..return to Personal Recollections & War Diaries

AUSTER Mk 9 - MONOLOGUE
by L.A. LEETHAM

Now I’ll tell you a tale about Rearsby, where folk who make Austers reside
They were tired of the moans about 6’s, so to make a new type they applied.
They showed all the brass hats what could be, with a privately built model ‘S’
And said if boffins would stay in t’ office they’d keep clear of Mark 6 sort of mess.

Now Army were really delighted, and contract was written and scanned,
But Ministry said ‘Cum Cum lads – tha knows this must be planned!’
The Army today’s not on rations – of steak, cake and ale there’s a glut
From private up t’ Marshal they’re fatter – widen the fuselage by a foot!
Riding with backs to the engine makes some chaps poorly ’tis found
Lets do the job right and proper – make the back facing seat to turn round.

Also if pilot was from “Artillairy” and used to a saddle on t’ horse
And wanted to change his seating – he’d have to dismount first of course!
So that’s how we’ll have seat mechanism – simple and awkward – no pranks
And if Brown jobs kick up a clatter we’ll bung ’em all back into tanks
So designer got out his rubber, and wiping the tears from his eyes
Walked slooooowly back to his office and worked out a neat compromise

First one was built quite quickly, by welder and fitter type bods,
Then smartly ’twere taken to pieces, and rebuilt more slowly, plus mods!
’Cos stressmen had heard about Army – how they were mad keen, and strips rough.
“Steel’s safest for they” the lads muttered, and added tons and tons of t’ stuff.

At same time Bombardier crowd were ordered ‘make engine work on M.T. sort of stuff’
So they did and fifteen of the horses went off in an ‘L’ of an ’uff
Performance chaps tried to coax figures to where they were at the start,
But with gills, fins and strakes also added it fair broke the poor laddies’ hearts.

At last to Malaya went first lot (‘twere furthest away from supplies)
And with them they had to send some clot – so chose ‘ruddy nuisance that flies’
Troubles have often vexed us – but live and let live is the rule!
We know now about ambient temperature if we hadn’t learnt it at school.
I am not quite sure how you will like them, but on one point I must say I’m proud
That I’ve met the ones to fly the 9’s to it’s limits, for 656 is that crowd.

updated 4th September 2010